Wow! People still sometimes read my blog! I'm utterly stunned. And thrilled! I've missed blogging, though I've filled the void with multiple pregnancy-and-mommy-oriented message boards. I kept saying I'd start a baby blog, but I never got to it.

The back story on Lilly and Kate is that I found out I was pregnant July 15th last year. It had been taking a while, so we had been seeing a fertility specialist, and were just starting to talk about taking Clomid. I was terrified of doing that and having multiples. Then I got pregnant on my own and was so relieved. Then at 7 weeks 4 days into my pregnancy, this is what we saw on the ultrasound.

I was completely petrified, and Ryan turned to me and said "This is going to be great!" and said it with such enthusiasm that I had to believe him!

I had all-day-and-particularly-evening sickness until about 15 weeks. I got big fast. At 19 weeks we took a trip out to Hawaii to see Ryan's sister and her husband, who happened to get pregnant the same time we did. Her due date (3/23) was 4 days before mine. We had a great trip! It seems a million years ago, now. Here's me in all my pregnant glory on the beach at Hanauma Bay.























At 24 weeks, a few weeks before Christmas, my doctor had me stop working and go on modified bedrest as a precautionary measure. Preterm labor is very common with twins, so he was doing everything he could to prevent it. The day after Christmas I realized I was having contractions. They were regular for a while, but then they stopped, so my doctor told me to come in the next day. I felt great that day. So good I let Ryan stay at home because he was working on a deadline. Up until that point he had been at every appointment with me.

When I got to the doctor, I felt fine for woman carrying 27-week twins. I had one contraction when I stood up in his office, but I wasn't worried. He did a fetal fibronectin test and internal exam, my cervix is closed. Then he does the transvaginal sonogram and my previously "long and closed" 3.5 cm cervix is down to 1.3 cm. Do not pass go, do not pick up husband, go staight to Labor & Delivery, he will call ahead and be there later.

They admitted me and put me on terbutaline, and put all the monitors on - 1 for contractions, 1 baby a, 1 for baby b. I was covered in monitors. I got 3 doses of injected terb, followed by oral every 4 hours. I started breaking through with contractions before 4 hours was up, so they went to 3 hours. That seemed to work. Kept the monitors on all night, etc. Nothing exciting recorded. Next day they sent me down for a sono with the maternal-fetal-medicine specialist, and although the babies looked awesome (2 lb 9 and 2 lbs 13 were the estimates) I was now 70% effaced, fingertip-1cm dilated. Within an hour I was in an ambulance, lights and sirens, on my way to North Shore University Hospital, because they have a better NICU in case my babies were going to be born.

There, they went through all the drugs. Indocin and terbutaline at first didn't do it. Magnesium sulfate stopped everything for several days, but is toxic enough that they took me off that and tried a terbutaline pump. That made my heart rate way too fast, so they had to take me off. Then I went on nifedipine, which lowered my blood pressure like crazy, but it stayed just high enough to be safe. It wasn't as effective though. After 2 weeks, everything failed and at 2:30 in the morning (Tuesday morning), I woke up out of a sound sleep. I felt kind of funny "down there" and thought maybe my water had broken so I called the nurse immediately. It turned out I was bleeding, and I totally freaked out thinking I had a placental abruption or something, but she said that would be really painful and this as not. I had to try really hard not to panic. She called for the resident to come in, and in the meantime tried to keep me calm.

The resident came in, checked my cervix and said I was now at 3cm (before I was 1-2) and that the blood was probably bloody show. I called Ryan and told him to get up and get here, because it looked like we'd hit our expiration date. They took me down to labor and delivery again, put all the monitors on, and I was contracting every 1-2 minutes. Some of them I felt really strongly (and painfully) and some I didn't even notice. In came the bag of magnesium sulfate, which I didn't try to fight because I knew it was my only hope of not having babies that day.

The mag slowed down the contractions considerably. They got as far as 20 minutes apart, though each one was quite painful. Around 11 they brought me down to maternal-fetal medicine and the doctor who usually does my Level IIs did a biophysical profile. He was very concerned when he saw how low Baby A (who became Lilly) was and asked when I had last had my cervix checked. I told him 3am and he said OK, he was going to call up and make sure someone checked my cervix when I got back to L&D. While we were waiting for the perinatalogist, I told Ryan I thought this was it. He was still in denial. At some point he was like "Yeah, I'm so tired...I'll probably go home in a little while when they bring you back to your room." I somehow knew that wouldn't happen. The contractions started coming closer together and were really really painful - enough that I couldn't really talk through them anymore.

I watched the doctor's face while she checked my cervix, and I saw her eyes get big. I was 6 cm, 100% effaced, and Baby A's membranes were bulging. That was it, she told us there was no way to stop it at this point, so we would stop the magnesium and have babies today. She reminded us how we had gotten two more weeks out of them and told me she highly recommended an epidural because both twins were head down and they were going to let me try vaginally (very important to me and that made me feel a lot better), but if I needed a c-section, having the epi on board already would save valuable time. I was all for it, and I could not believe the change in my personality outlook after I got the epi. I suddenly realized I had been in some level of pain for a looooong time.

At that point, we called my parents, and invited them to come sit with us and wait for my water to break. They were allowed to hang in the delivery room until that point. Once we had time to get over the initial shock and fear, we started to get excited to meet our girls and to have the PTL ordeal over with, even knowing that this early birth had so many dangers. My parents were really great and supportive, and it was surprisingly nice to have them there. I was super-sleepy and drifted off a few times while they all chattered, which was fine.

Mostly we sat and watched the monitor to see how close the contractions were. They got to 3 minutes and incredibly regular, and the doc sent my parents out so she could check me. 10 cm, ready to rumble. Mom and Dad came in to kiss me good luck, and suddenly the medical parade began! Our quiet little room was invaded by neonatalogists, neonatal nurses, anesthesiologists, pediatricians oh my! I think there were a dozen of those people, plus the attending perinatalogist, my L&D nurse, and the two resident physicians who did most of the work.
They broke the first bag of water, which felt kind of cool - like a little internal "poink." The contractions started coming closer together, and it was time to push. They told me to push like I was constipated. LOL! With each contraction, they had me push 3 times. They were awesome, because they didn't count or anything - they just said OK...PUSH! and told me what a great job I was doing. I think we repeated that over 5-6 contractions, and then I got to see my Lillian's head emerging below - what an incredible feeling. They took her and cleaned her up, and let me hold her for the most amazing 15 or so seconds of my life. She was beautiful, with the sweetest little lips I had ever seen. I fell in love with her instantly, and it was heartbreaking to have to give her up. But, we had more business to attend to.

While I was falling in love, the doctors were locating Kate. Unfortunately, she must've seen her sister going down that narrow passagway and decided she wanted none of that. She didn't actually flip, but even more dastardly, she folded herself in half so that her head, hands, and feet were all right in the same spot. There was nothing to be done but a c-section.

They wheeled me next door to the OR, and pumped up my epidural. The section was a piece of cake. I didn't get to hold Kate, because one arm was in restraints, but Ryan did for about as long as I held Lillian. I got to look at her sweet little face, and fell for her just as I had her sister. She is beautiful. I was so exhausted after that I nearly fell asleep while they closed me back up! Spent about an hour in recovery, and they brought me up to my room. They left the epidural in and gave me a PCA pump, which was very helpful. I couldn't sit in a wheelchair that night, so I couldn't go the NICU, which was awful.

Ryan and my parents went to see the girls, and I was stuck just lying in bed with the phone and TV for distractions. That was the hardest part. Knowing that for 7 months I was everything to these babies, but now I couldn't even get out of bed to see then.

Having them in the NICU was amazing motivation to get moving and I had to force myself to recover more quickly than I thought was humanly possible. Lillian stayed 63 days in the NICU, coming home March 13, and Kate came home 2 days later. Kate came home with a nasal cannula and oxygen, which she finally ditched for good in late May.

You'd never know to look at them now how difficult their start was. They are both around 16 pounds and chubby chubby chubby! When we go out, people ask how old they are and when I give their actual age (as opposed to their adjusted age, which is how old they'd be if they were born on their due date) no one even bats an eye. I am incredibly grateful to everyone in the High Risk Antepartum Unit and the NICU at North Shore University Hospital. Without them, my life would be a well-rested tragedy, instead of the exhausting joy it is today.

I can't believe I am going to be this lame. I'm sure no one reads my blog anymore. I haven't posted in well over a year. I have a good reason.

 

Yes, they're mine. I got pregnant last July. We'd been trying for a while and all of a sudden we were pregnant with twins. Very unexpected! We'd been just about to talk fertility treatments when apparently my fertility kicked into highest gear.

They were due March 27th, 2006. I went into preterm labor December 27th and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks on every medication they have to stop labor. On January 10th it all stopped working and my beautiful girls were born 11 weeks early.

Lillian Claire (on the right) was 3 pounds, Kate Darcy was 2 pounds 13 ounces. Lilly stayed 63 days in the NICU and Kate stayed 65. They've been home 4 months and I am just starting to come back to reality a little bit. ;-) They are the most precious, wonderful, exhausting, beautiful, exciting, inspirational little people I've ever known.

I have to run now, but I'll post more soon and tell more of their story.

Wow! A closing date! Tuesday, March first, at 1pm. I am so excited it's finally going to happen!

I am also amused because I remember this MarchFirst and how we all made fun of the name when I worked at Scient. Both companies are now defunct, with MarchFirst barely squeezing out a year of business with that stupid-ass name. Ah, the good ole' days. Perhaps we'll build a memorial to that era in our new home.
;-)

Yeah, well, my prediction was totally wrong. Valentine's Day came and went without even setting a closing date. I'm so frustrated and totally tired of this. Every few days we get a new hopeful story, and then it goes to shit. We have scheduled our walk-through for tomorrow, thinking we'll close this coming week, but who knows if that's even possible? At least we'll get to see the place again.

I started my new job 2 weeks ago, and I like it. It's weird being the new girl, and weirder because I am new yet old, due to my freelance work there 3 years ago. I'm getting settled, getting busy, and happy with my decision.

Nothing to knit. Most of the yarn and all the books are packed up. Grrr.

Well, still no closing date on our house. Our sellers' deal was held up by their sellers' deal, and so on and so on. It's like LaGuardia airport on a Friday afternoon in July. Ugh. They are still holding out hope for next week, but the following week is more likely. My prediction: we will close on Valentine's Day. Just a guess.

In other news, I'm starting a new job on Monday! It's weird. When I moved to Brookyln, I started my current job, and now that I am moving out, I am starting a new one. I'm going back to doing consumer-targeted interactive advertising - websites, web ads, etc. I will be working for the agency I was freelancing at when I first discovered knitting blogs! I'm excited about it, and about getting out of the world of direct-to-professional pharmaceutical advertising. I'll still be doing a good deal of pharma work, but it'll be aimed at you, the consumer, not your doctor. I'll also get to do some other non-pharma work.

The new agency is owned by the same big holding company that owns my current agency, so I get to keep all my benefits and seniority, which is awesome. Top that off with a 14% raise, and it's a no-brainer, isn't it?

It'll be tough to leave my current agency, as I've been there over 2 years (a long time for me) and have made a lot of good friends there. But I know I am making the right decision.

Someday, when all this quiets down, maybe I'll oh, I don't know -- knit something?

Oh my goodness. I love this woman. The Bag Blog, indeed! And apparently, she knits, too!

Could I be any lamer? Probably not. I've been wanting to post for weeks, but just been too lazy or overwhelmed or whatever.

Anyway, what's happened since November? Um, not much knitting, sad to say. But that will change soon. Why? Because I'm about to get some train-knitting time in my life. Every day.

We bought a house! Or, we're buying a house. We're in contract and supposed to close the first week of February. Ho-lee-shit, right?! It's in western Suffolk county on Long Island, about 15-20 minutes' drive from my parents.

Wanna see it?

So, now we're looking at furniture, paint, and all sorts of good stuff. It's overwhelming and exciting! I'll try not to be such a sucky blogger in the coming days.

Well, I finished the lacy poncho and got to wear it to the wedding in Philly last weekend! Been running around too much to actually blog about it until now. I got Ryan to take a picture.



It might've been better to take a picture when I was wearing something solid-colored underneath, but you get what you get!

Well, looks like it's time to throw myself into work, knitting, and whatever else. Anything to stop thinking about politics. I hope the days ahead aren't as dark as I fear them to be.

I hope you went and voted today, whatever side you're on! John Kerry got my vote, and Ryan's, too.

"Luckily," I am too busy to think a lot about the election. Work is crazy and I am reduced to sitting at my desk and trying not to hyperventilate for a lot of the day. Ugh.

I finished my beautiful lacy poncho and will try and take a picture when I get home tonight. It looks fabulous with my pink corduroys. :-)

Yesterday was so wonderful - I didn't have to be anywhere for the first time in over a month! And it was a cruddy day so neither of us minded staying in most of the day. Thus, I finished the second side of lacy poncho! I wet-blocked at about midnight, so by the time I get home from North Carolina tomorrow (4pm!), I should be able to sew it up, pick up the neck stitches, and wear it on Tuesday! I am very excited!

I'm about halfway through with the re-knitting of side 2 of the lacy poncho. It looks much better so far. I suppose I could've tried blocking the othe side to fit the large side, as Kathy suggested, but I think it wouldn't have looked so good. The gauge was so loose that the lace didn't look as nice as when it was tighter. So, live, learn, frog and re-knit.

Work is keeping me busy and nearly at the end of my sanity. I've also been traveling too much, and it's not ending for another 2 weeks. In the past month and a half, I have been to Dallas and Chicago for work, Missouri for fun, Atlanta for work, Baltimore for work, and Ann Arbor for fun. Now I have to go to North Carolina for work on Monday morning, so I will fly in Sunday night and have dinner with a friend there, then it's Philly for a wedding the following weekend. The scary part is I was hoping that'd be it until Christmas (we're going to Miami to see Ryan's father and his sister and her husband this year) but I recently got a new client at work and may have to travel for them sometime between 11/15 and Thanksgiving.

Help meeee!!!

Shit.

I just finished the second side of the lacy poncho, and apparently my gauge loosened up considerably doing this side. It's a good 2" bigger all around. Of course, I didn't realize this until after I wove in the ends and laid it out to block.

ARGH!

I guess I have to wait for it to dry, frog the sucker and redo it. Grrrrr. Could this BE more annoying? I wanted to wear it next weekend in Michigan. The only glimmer of hope is that I have about 4.5 hours of Amtrak time on Tuesday, going to and from Baltimore. But this really really sucks.

I don't really have time to post, but I will dash this off anyway.

Just got back from a lovely family reunion in Missouri. This is Ryan's Mom's side of the family, and I adore them. We ate, played with the kids, fielded all sorts of questions about life, and generally had a wonderful time. It was too short!

From Missouri I went on to Atlanta, where I had kind of a torturous day of market research. It didn't go very well and now I am home and revising revising revising stuff. It'll probably mean late nights the next few days, and a severe stress level. It sucks.

I got to repeat 20 of the second half of my poncho on one of my flights this weekend and ran out of yarn. Now, I have used four balls to this point, which leads me to think I used five on the first side, which would mean I have one ball left (I bought ten). Somewhere. Urgh. I don't know for sure, and I don't have time to search for it, either. I would know for sure if I had used five if I had only not been so efficient and woven in the ends already! I think I might actually need two more balls to finish the side and then do the neck. I may just suck it up and order more, since I don't see myself having time to go to Knit-A-Way this week. I wonder how much the dye lot matters in an open-work garment knitted in cream-colored yarn?

Regarding the house, we didn't do it. Long story short, it appears to be the most expensive house in the neighborhood, with the highest taxes. Not a great investment. It broke my heart. And now we're too fucking busy to look again this month, so it's on the back burner at the moment, right next to my sanity.

Look! Half a poncho!



I probably should've laid it out on a solid-colored towel to block, eh?

I'm now up to repeat 20 or 21 of the lacy poncho. It's so pretty! I wish I had more time to sit around and work on it. If only the subway weren't so damn crowded, I could get 20 minutes in each way during my commute, but it's so rare that I get a seat the whole way, and it's kind of a big piece to work on. I'm traveling again the week after next, though, which should get me some solid knitting time.

In other news, we're trying to buy a house. Our agent is presenting our bid tonight and I am VERY nervous! It is a really cute place, and in a good location. I'm afraid to say much more so just cross your fingers!

I bet you think I've just been sitting around doing nothing for the past two weeks. Wrong! I'm up to repeat 14 on my lacy poncho! I decided I had to make it, and had to make it unimaginatively in the same color as Bonne Marie's. It's just the most versatile shade, and I think I will want to wear this a lot. I'm using some Dale Falk yarn and it's very nice. I think I paid too much for it at Knit-A-Way (formerly Knitting Hands) in Brooklyn, but I wanted it right then and there and that was all they had. I rarely let that happen to me, but this time I just let it go.

So, here's the first chunk of poncho.



I'm very happy with it, and I know it'll look really nice once it's blocked. I have a wedding in Michigan 4 weeks from now, and I would like to wear this over the cute dress I got at Banana Republic last weekend. I wore it to a wedding last Sunday out at the beach, and froze with just a light pashmina. Oh, and I promise I didn't wear it with boots like the model, though it probably would've been nice and toasty and made my feet hurt less than the 3" heels I did wear! That's another item on my list - new black satin dressy shoes. I am finally admitting I can't wear the fuck-me heels anymore.

*sigh*

I often remark to myself that I will feel like the world is a better place when I can realize that I have gone a full day without being reminded of what happened here on September 11th, 2001. It seems there is always something that reminds me. Sometimes it is driving on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway and looking at the (still stunning, but now also sad) lower Manhattan skyline. Sometimes it's seeing a plane fly low overhead and realizing that I never used to think that was an ominous sound. Sometimes it's seeing a guy on the street who reminds me of one of the group of high school friends who died that day. It's always something. Obviously, today is a day when one not only cannot help to remember, but one must remember.

I remember, too, September 10th. I was deeply depressed. I had been unemployed and occasionally freelancing since February, and a project I had expected to last longer had just ended. I was sad because I felt my boyfriend was never going to be ready to marry me. I went to the beach with my Mom and cried about all of this. And on the way home, I remember it was such a clear day that we could see the skyline and the WTC very clearly in the distance (about 35 miles away) when we crossed over the bridges on the Wantagh Parkway.

The next day, my whole world changed. I woke up on a beautiful cloudless day with nowhere to go. Ryan was sleeping next to me, and I didn't turn on the TV as I usually did, because I was enjoying the peace and quiet. It was my best friend's mother calling from Albany to see if I was home and OK who informed me of what was going on. I was barely 2 miles uptown and didn't hear a thing until then. After that we turned on the TV, and all my personal troubles were forgotten.

Three years later I'm married to the guy who would never commit, steadily employed and even in-demand from other companies. Life is good. But I still can't go a day without at least some brief moment of thinking about it.

May all who were lost rest in peace, and may all who feel lost now find their way home.

I got to go to School Products yesterday during lunch! It's so close to my office, but I don't often get the chance to get there, and to have company. My friend Virg is re-learning to knit this weekend and she wanted to get some supplies. I love this store. They have such a great variety of yummy yarns.

I was debating what I wanted to make, when I came upon the big wall of Brown Sheep and remembered my dear departed hat. Did I mention my hat? It was pink and purple stripes and I made it two years ago and loved it. Then I lost it, probably back in February when we went to Baltimore. I was heartbroken, as it was a silly, cute hat that always got me compliments. You can see a little of it in this picture.



I almost bought some new Brown Sheep to re-make the hat, and then was struck by an even more brilliant idea when I saw a similar shade of pink in Karabella Aurora 8.



The Aurora 8 is so darn soft - 100% merino, and like buttah. I petted it for a bit, then found a fortuitious shade of purple.



The decision was made - I will have a new pink and purple striped hat, and it will be soft and yummy and it won't itch my forehead one single bit. Don't you love happy endings?

I love when my husband comments on my blog, ya know that? I love him in general, but I love him extra when I know he takes time out of the day to see what I'm saying here.

Not much to say. There's a whole load of job stuff going on, but I am not going to jinx it or risk anyone here seeing the scoop until it's all sorted.

We just got back from spending the weekend upstate with my friend Lisa and her family. We saw them two weeks ago and their son Alex wasn't walking or talking much (he's 15 months). Now two weeks later, he is walking like a pro(fessional toddler) and says stuff like "mama" and "cracker" and "ball" and "hi," though you can't count on him to say it at any given time. He's so cute and so much fun, and I wish we could see them all more often.

Not doing much knitting lately, because other stuff is in the way. I would like to make lots of stuff, but my attention span is very minimal right now. I think when the job is sorted out, I will be more productive that way. As much as I would like to deny it, autumn is coming whether I want it to or not, and it would be nice to have some pretty new things for me to wear, as well as stuff for all those babies that keep popping out.