I had sort of a shitty end of the week. On Wednesday, I had to drive in to the office so I could drive to Pennsylvania later in the day because we were shooting something on location there Thursday, starting very early. On 8th Avenue, like 5 blocks from my office, I got rear-ended by a cab. It was a minor incident, but I still wanted a Police report, just in case we end up having to replace the whole damn bumper. The whole thing was just a big pain in the ass, and made me very late for work (which was OK - I called and explained and no one minded).

Yesterday, I got to work and went to see my boss. She told me that my raise had come in, and through our conversation, I discovered I was not getting promoted along with this 6.25% percent raise. Well, back in the beginning of the year, when I first started asking about my review/raise, she told me I would absolutely be getting promoted, that I was definitely ready. When I asked her if there was anything more I needed to be doing, she told me no, I was doing great. So this was a tremendous shock.

I was too shocked to bring any of that up at the time; basically I was so shocked all I could do was say "I have to go" and head for the ladies room in case I actually burst out in tears. I didn't, but I was choked up for a while.

I have a friend at work who was at the same level as me, and asked our boss about her raise/promotion outlook around the same time I did. She wasn't satisfied with the answer, went out looking for other jobs, got an offer that came with a promotion and a HUGE raise, told our boss, got counter-offered (not the same salary, but apparently a good compromise) and is now my "superior." Actually, it looks like now I am going to be her "right-hand" person on some of her projects. This isn't a problem between us, because she's great, and she even said she doesn't think of it that way - she knows we're equals outside of the blackmail. But for me, it feels like a tremendous setback, and the irony of it all is too much.

I can't figure out what happened, which is the worst part. Why would she say one thing and then do another? I had no indication at any time during the past 6 months that I was lacking in any way. She is constantly telling me how wonderful I am. So what gives? I'm going to bring it up next week when I can talk about it without crying (lack of PMS would help that situation greatly!). But the cold hard reality is that if this is the decision, it's not going to change now, and I am going to have to wait until next year for a substantive raise and promotion.

That's too long. I already spoke to several people who assured me of my high value in the marketplace, and it looks like I'm going to have to find that out for myself. I don't expect I'll go the blackmail route, either. Once my heart's not in it anymore, I'm out. This makes me sad, because I thought I'd be able to stay here for a while and could be really happy, here. Until now, my boss has been the absolute most wonderful person I could ever hope to work for in a million years. Sad.