No new news in the saga of my bridal gown. I'm trying not to think about it today. Not possible, but there's not much I can do. I spoke with the manager again and she told me she inquired about getting a new dress and it isn't possible. The big problem, I think, is that the style is not in their regular collection, and it is made in Spain. She's still trying to get it altered for Saturday, but I don't know if that's really going to happen. Wednesday was the original date (next Wednesday). I'm feeling better about it for the moment, just because I can't let myself feel that bad for that long. One way or another, we'll work it out. If they absolutely can't alter it and I have to get another dress, I'll live. I really don't want to do that (get another dress, I mean) but if I have to, I will.

My wedding band is still not quite right. I went yesterday and it's still .1mm thicker than my engagement ring. Yes, that's one-tenth of a millimeter. I don't know whether they are going to kill me or offer me a job there! But at least they gave me my engagement ring back this time, and I'm happy about that. It's all clean and sparkly, and they polished the band for me, too. I feel better at least, having it back.

I think I'm going to go with Diana today to pick up her bridesmaid skirt. I brought one of the completed tops with me, so we can be sure the color is OK. Please cross your fingers for that!

That photo of Alexander seems to not be happy on Ofoto, so I linked to a new one. It was so wonderful to talk to Lisa yesterday and hear the joy in her voice. I haven't heard that sound in so long. She's totally overwhelmed, but happy as could be.

I spoke with the manager at the bridal salon yesterday. She told me she was trying to find out what happened to my dress, and in the meantime was going to push the seamstress to have the alterations done by this Saturday, so I could try it on then and see how it is. I'm anxious about how the alterations will compromise the shape of the gown - particularly the boning, as a few commenters pointed out. Since I can't really do anything about it until the weekend anyway, I'm going to sit tight for the moment. As long as she has it Saturday, at least I can make an informed decision, rather than jump to a conclusion.

I think I'm going to write a letter to the president of the company that made the gown. I'm very frustrated with all the setbacks that have occurred with the gown, and I just feel like being a squeaky wheel. Considering how far in advance I ordered this gown, there should have been tons of time to deal with this crap, and now it's getting down to the wire, which was what I wanted to avoid in the first place.

In good news, I started bridesmaid top number four, and am about 6 inches into it. It's a size smaller than the others, so it's going a bit faster. I got the good news that the skirts came in 2 weeks earlier than they were expected to, and Lisa, at least, already has hers! I'm going to go with Diana sometime this week to pick up hers and see how the top works with it. Fingers will be crossed.

There's a lot of whine coming up here in a few moments. But first I will share some joyful news, since it is ultimately far more important than the whine. My best friend Lisa and her husband are on their way right now to pick up their new son! They have been trying to conceive and trying to adopt for nearly two years, and finally their efforts are being rewarded. Alexander Peter (last name omitted) was born late last week, and they got to meet him on Friday. He stayed with a foster family for the weekend and right now they are probably bundling him into a car seat.

I am so ecstatic over this news! I can hardly describe my joy at knowing that their deepest wish has been fulfilled. They are both such wonderful people and will be fantastic parents. I wish I could start knitting him a present right now, but that'll have to wait until post-wedding, I think. Anyway, little Alex is a very lucky boy and I can't wait to meet him! In the meantime, I can content myself with pictures such as this one.



If you want to linger on that happy feeling, go away now. The rest of this post is pure whine.

All along this planning route, there have been some minor setbacks, but nothing's really gotten me down. The rabbi canceling (we got a new one who we love), the guest list hassles (all finally sorted), the seeming impossibility of the jeweler to make my wedding band the right way...all within the realm of "it sucks but it'll get worked out." But this finally got to me.
 
Here's a refresher course on the dress: Found it in August, at a trunk show. The sample was my size, fit me perfectly - hem it, adjust the straps, and I could've gotten married that Tuesday. Loved it, ordered it, and they said it'd be in by January. January comes and goes, and they now tell me they order it to be in a reasonable number of weeks before the wedding, rather than a time period after you order it. So fine, it'll be in end of March. End of March comes, they tell me it's in. I come to visit it, and it turns out the computer said it's in, but it wasn't actually physically in the store. Urgh. Two hours (there and back) wasted in traffic. Turns out there was some dirt or something on the dress the factory was going to send, so they had to get or make a new one.
 
End of April, the dress is in. They tell me come for a fitting in mid-May but I decide that's too late so I make an appointment for Saturday. I go there, excited to see it after 9 months. I'm thinking it might need to be taken in a touch, since I've been working out and noticing some of my clothes are a bit looser these days. She puts it over my head and reaches for the closure at the waist, and ::ouch:: that's tight! She barely closes it and I feel like I am going to suffocate.
 
Then we try the bodice. There's about 3 inches of Betsy at the top that is just never going to fit in there - no WAY is that thing closing. And no WAY is it the same size as the sample I tried on. I keep my cool, they get the seamstress, she opens the lining and pronounces that there is enough seam allowance to let it out. Great. But why the fuck is my dress at least two sizes smaller than I ordered? The sample was a 6 - this would have to stretch to be a 2!
 
So, now, even though I KNOW it's the dress, and totally their fault, I feel like a giant cow. Which is ludicrous, I know - I am nowhere near it, but I feel it now. I am no longer excited about my dress, which I have adored from afar for an entire human gestational period. I feel like the alterations are going to be a compromise, and the dress will never look the way the sample did. I feel like why even fucking bother? At this point, 6 weeks away, I don't have a wearable dress OR a wearable wedding band (in case you missed that story, they made one that didn't match the band of my engagement ring because the diamonds were the wrong size, then they made a second in which the diamonds are OK but the band is thicker than my engagement ring, which they have had for 2 weeks in order to model the wedding band off of it. Argh).
 
I never expected to be one of those brides who cracks up and loses it 6 weeks before the wedding. I've been really calm, and really good up to now. Even with the pressure I've put on myself by knitting the bridesmaids tops (three down, one to go - and I saved the smallest size for last - it'll feel even faster!) Many of my friends and family have made comments to that effect. So in addition to being miserable, I am ashamed of my own feelings.  Great.

I will be calling the bridal salon manager later today to find out how the fuck they are going to explain the dress faux pas, and to make sure I am not paying for the alterations other than the hem, since that's all it was supposed to need. Then I'll carry on, but I don't know if I will be able to regain the excitement I once had. And that really sucks.

See? I told you there was a lot of whine here.

After kind of an irritating experience at work that kept me here until 7 for no good reason, I got home and found a tremendous Bloomingdale's box in our apartment! Somehow that lifted my spirits. Greedy little thing, ain't I? It was actually a very generous gift from a friend of my Dad's who I have only met once, and who can't make it to the wedding because he's speaking at a conference in London. He and his wife wrote us a lovely note and bought us the espresso maker and the blender we registered for! I was very taken aback at their generosity.

I would write a thank you note, but I appear to have lost the envelopes that came with them. Urgh. I have to go out and find some small envelopes today, as we've gotten a few gifts that I would like to acknowledge ASAP. At least I didn't lose the notes themselves. I think this time I actually did throw out the envelopes with some other stuff. At least they are easier to replace than the headpiece would have been.

Finished all the knitting on bridesmaid top number 3 last night! Just have to sew the side seams, weave in the ends, and it's on to number 4. Only thing is I am not sure what I did with the pattern for number 4. It's only slightly different - square neck instead of a v-neck, and a size smaller. But I would prefer to have the actual pattern, since I have no time or inclination to improvise on this one. Looks like I'll be tearing the place apart once again. Maybe I'll find the envelopes, too?

In fun news, I have my first dress fitting tomorrow! So excited to see it again! It's been since August, as you might recall. Mom's coming with me, and possibly Leanne. Diana can't make it. Something tells me that will be another "this is really going to happen" moment.

Spring is really here! And there are 46 days left. 46 days to finish the neckband and sew up bridesmaid tank number 3, and make number 4. 46 days to get my dress fitted, ceremony details straightened out, and figure out for sure who is and is not coming. 48 days until I am in Hawaii!

Contrary to popular belief, I am not freaking out. I am really busy and constantly thinking about what needs to be done, but I haven't panicked and don't think I will. As long as I stay on top of everything, it's manageable.

I am kind of sick of knitting that purple silk. And I am a little nervous that the color won't go with the skirts as well as I want it to. But I think I'm just being paranoid. The good news is I am actually interested in knitting after I finish these - making something for (gasp) myself! There's a yarn store out in Port Jefferson that Leanne frequents, and they are having a sale in two weeks, and I think I will be joining her out there for the sale and lunch. Should be nice.

It just occurred to me - I wonder if there really is a yarn sale? Or could this be a ploy to get me to a shower? I know there is one, I just don't know when. And if you know, you'd better not say anything. I want to be surprised. But I also enjoy trying to figure it out. :-)

I feel terribly dull. I work. I do wedding stuff. I knit (which right now falls into the wedding stuff category). Don't get me wrong, I am very excited about my wedding, and it's fun to do a lot of this stuff, but I do feel rather shallow lately. All my stories are wedding-related. This wasn't supposed to happen.

For example, what's on my mind this week? OK, for one, my dress. You know, my wedding dress. It was supposed to have been in a month ago, but there was something wrong with part of it when it shipped from the factory, so they had to re-make that. Then it was supposed to be in early this week, but no one has called and it isn't early anymore. Guess who I'll call later today?

The second thing taking up space is my band. You know, my wedding band. We went to pick that up yesterday, and there was a problem there, too. We ordered it to match my engagement ring - channel set princess cut diamonds halfway around the band. Basically, it's my engagement ring without the center stone. But when we went to pick it up, the diamonds did not match the size of the diamonds in the engagement ring, and the band itself was much thicker (not top-to-bottom thicker, but inside-to-outside thick if you know what I mean). So, they have to make a totally new ring. And to do it right, they had to take my engagement ring. I'm not worried about that - they are the people who made that ring in the first place. I just hate not having it and I hate having the hassle of having to have a second ring made.

What's on my to-do list? All sorts of stuff. Wedding stuff. Pick the menu for the rehearsal dinner (with no rehearsal, since Jewish weddings don't rehearse - though I will talk everyone through what's going to happen). Find something to wear to the rehearsal (yet not) dinner. Buy more Altoids for our favors (cute little round metal boxes with personalized labels and Altoids inside - Ryan stuffed most of them the other night but we were just slightly short, so back to BJs we go). Write "thank you" notes for gifts that have started arriving. Finish knitting 1.25 bridesmaid tops (almost done with number 3!). Finish writing, laying out and then print our programs (we need programs since many guests will have never been to a Jewish wedding). The list goes on. It's mostly little stuff, but it's still got to get done.

So with that filling my head, there's not as much space for other interesting talk. Intellectual talk. I swear, when this wedding is over, I am going to find the biggest, thickest, brainiest book I can find, read it cover-to-cover, and discuss it with anyone I can find!

I've been back at work since Wednesday, but have pretty much been feeling like crap the whole time. The fever and all are gone, but my stomach is still just "not right." Last night I had a piece of matzoh (I'm keeping Passover) with some cheese melted on top - one piece of matzoh - and 2 macaroons. Felt full and queasy all night. In the morning, I'm too queasy for real food. And I am so sick of sweet stuff, but non-sweet stuff makes me feel queasy when I think about it. It's very strange.

So since I am barely eating, I am barely getting anything else done. Can't go to the gym, and I'm a little on the dopey side, I think. Luckily, because of the holidays, it's been a mellow few days at work. Hardly done anything. Next week I will pay for that, but for this week it's a much-needed break.

In the knitting arena, I'm about 3" into the second side of the third bridesmaid top. Yes, the light at the end of this silken tunnel is starting to seep into my existence. Hallelujah!

We received what I think is actually an early shower gift yesterday. Ryan thinks it's a wedding gift, but I am pretty sure I know better. My cousin and her husband bought us the pasta machine (the old-fashioned kind) and creme brulee torch from our Bed, Bath and Beyond registry! I am such a dork - I got all excited that they got me stuff I wanted, and didn't even remember I had put it on the registry. I don't know when my shower ("if we decide to have one for you" wink wink nudge nudge) is, but it's fun to get gifts, even if I feel a little funny about everyone spending all this money on me.

We also got an Easter basket from Ryan's mother. Chocolate and the usual stuff, plus some odd additions. A condom, for one (for the wedding night? Our big first time? LOL!). And when I opened one of the plastic eggs, instead of candy, there was a cicada shell inside! I shrieked because it looked like a cockroach. Apparently, she thought it was a cute souvenir of the suburbs, not a freaky dead buglike thing. Kinda funny in retrospect, but it scared the crap outta me at the time!

I think it's a virus, not the sushi. Ryan started throwing up around 1 a.m. Both of us have stopped throwing up, but feel miserable, feverish and I have terrible stomach pains. Been home nearly 2 days and I'm too sick to knit! Oh yes, and it's the most perfect Spring day ever here. But neither of us can even muster the energy to sit in the window. Lovely. Whine whine whine whine whine.

Well, even the busiest and most dedicated of us (whoever that may be - it isn't me!) sometimes get an enforced break. I woke up around 6am today feeling queasy and shaky and sweating, and around 7am, after much whining, I finally threw up a bunch of times. Wondering if it's last night's sushi or a virus. Only time will tell, I suppose. But I'm feeling like utter sh*t, and probably will head back to bed momentarily.

Just time for a quick post before I hop in the shower. We're going outlet shopping today! Yes, I said we. Ryan finished his thesis the other night, so he's no longer glued to his computer every second of the day and night! Lots of late nights in the computer lab seem to have paid off. Hallelujah!

In my news, I am nearly finished with side of bridesmaid top number 3. This one went really quickly. Did a lot of the knitting during the Final Four. I think the happiness made me knit more quickly. I'm now confident that I will finish these silly tops, and confident that if I ever get sent back in time to do my engagement over again, I will just pick a dress for the bridesmaids and knit a silk tank top for myself to wear on the honeymoon!

The 'cuse is in the house! I can't believe my Orangemen won the NCAA Championship. So many years, so many close calls - I am so glad I was here to see it! I'll be more coherent tomorrow.

What is up with this?!

Snow And Sleet Are Expected To Overspread The Area During The Morning And Come Down Heavy At Times In The Afternoon. The Snow And Sleet Should Taper Off During The Evening Hours...But Not Before Leaving As Much As 4 To 6 Inches On The Ground.

When will spring ever arrive?

I dreamed last night that my friend Diana and I were in the Poconos with President Bush. He was wearing a pager that started out with a little orange light, but then became red, indicating that there was going to be a large-scale attack within a short period of time. Apparently one possibility was a nuclear strike in Iowa that would wipe out most of the mid-to-western states, isolating California forever (this musta been one hella nuke). In the dream, he was really smart and totally capable, and Diana and I were completely trusting of him. Whew. What the hell is my subconscious doing feeding me bullshit like that?!

In case I didn't mention it, I finished bridesmaid top number 2 earlier this week - maybe it was Sunday? I am now a few inches into the back of number 3. Yes, I'm definitely going to finish this. No, it's not going to be so pleasant. I've also been addressing our invitations, since Ryan is swamped with thesis work and also a lefty with hideous handwriting. Almost done with the outer envelopes, then I get to do the inners. Whee! The thing is, there are this many envelopes with having had to cut down the list a bit. I can't imagine what it would be like if I was able to invite everyone I'd want to have there!

I ordered my veil on Wednesday, which was fun. I wanted to wear the sample back to work - it just makes me feel awfully purdy. Today I think I am going to a sample sale in the city - there's this bridesmaid dress company called Thread that makes dresses that you could also wear to a rehearsal dinner or as a wedding guest, and they are having a sample sale from 4-6 p.m. Since I have two other weddings this summer (my friend Kate's, 2 weeks before mine, and Ryan's sister's, Labor Day weekend) I am interested in finding a cute dress, deeply discounted!

Tonight, I will be parked on the sofa watching my Orangemen in the Final Four. I will be eating appropriately for the occasion - Sal's Wings all the way. I ordered the "make it at home" kit a few weeks ago, having no idea I'd find such a perfect occasion to try them out. I would say these wings were at least 70 percent responsible for my freshman fifteen weight gain back then (that and the beer)!

For Debbie S - yes, dude, we really do have a Roomba. Ryan mentioned it to his Mom before Christmas and she actually bought it for us! We were stunned and ecstatic - it was probably the best gift she will ever give in her entire life! I love love love Roomba. Aside from doing a pretty darn good job on the wooden floors, it's also awfully cute. I find myself watching it a lot. Then the excitement wears off and I go do something else while Roomba does the work. Yay Roomba! Everyone, find someone to buy it for you now.

I swear, the coolest, nicest, most supportive people read my blog. I just read all the comments on finding my tiara, and combined with the support when I thought it was gone, I am just all mushy inside! It's even nicer that people still give a crap, since I've been such a lame blogger lately.

So, on balance, the weekend was good, but there was definitely a low point. I'll start there. I called the bridal shop on Friday and was told my dress was in! Yay! Made plans with Leanne to meet me there at 4pm Saturday, on her way to work (she's a pastry chef and works at a restaurant). We get there, and the manager, who is very sweet, disappears upstairs for a looooong time. She finally returns and says "you're gonna kill me." It wasn't there. Apologies up and down, she feels awful, totally her fault - the computer said it was in, they just had a shipment, she should have looked for the dress before she told me, blah blah blah.

I couldn't be too mad at her, because she is so nice, but it did take an hour to get there with traffic, and 1.5 hours to get home with traffic and rain. So she calls me today, and it turns out the dress came from Spain to the U.S. factory, and they didn't ship it to the store because there is something wrong with the skirt fabric. She didn't have details, but it was some sort of spot or oil stains. Who knows. So now they have to rush cut a new skirt. She assured me it was no problem, it'd be ready for fittings at the end of April or beginning of May, which is fine, but it sucks, too. I just want to see it, as all I have is that one picture and they no longer have the sample gown!

I'm glad the dress debacle was on Saturday, and then the tiara-finding was on Sunday. Other way around would have sucked more. But what tips the weekend over to good is definitely the FINAL FOUR, baby!! My Orangemen kicked some butt right around the time that I found my tiara. I was so excited about the tiara that I forgot the game wasn't at night and missed the darn thing. Silly! I will certainly be in front of a TV somewhere on Saturday night at 8:40pm!

Guess what's on my head right now. Need a hint?

It's sparkly.

It's silvery.

It's not in a landfill somewhere.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I found my tiara today. I swear, I have no recollection whatsoever of bringing it home. It was in my closet, on the floor, behind my shoe rack, wrapped in the very plastic bag I mentioned the other day. See, good things can Icome out of cleaning the closet! I am unspeakably happy. Probably more happy than I ought to be, given that it's just a piece of metal. But it's my piece of metal, and I like it so much! I was despairing of ever finding anything as nice. So, I've worn it around the house for the rest of the cleaning. I am very fancy today!

I also finished the second bridesmaid top - well, all except for the side seams, but I will finish that after I post this. Now that I've cleaned the kitchen, bathroom and closet, vacuumed (OK, I ran the Roomba - it still counts) the whole apartment, and unclogged the slow-running bathroom sink, I am returning to the sofa.

It's Friday and there's still no tiara. In the immortal words of my friend Caryn - "what a suck!"

At least I will have plenty of free time this weekend to look for a new one. Ryan has plenty of thesis work to do, since he's getting down to the wire now. I'll probably head out early tomorrow to try and beat the crowds and the rain. Sunday looks like a great knitting day, given the crappy weather forecast.

I finished the front of the second bridesmaid top, and sewed the shoulders together. Just need to pick up and knit the neck and shoulder edging, and sew the side seams and then I can cast on for #3! Woo-ee!

For all you who wondered if I was innovative or crazy when I decided on this project, the answer is both, leaning towards crazy.

I've been having so much trouble sleeping lately. Not falling asleep, but staying asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night, and then by around 6 or 6:30 a.m., I can't sleep anymore. Mostly I wake up with my head spinning from the things I need to do that day, or in general. I've got a "to-do" list a mile long, and plenty going on at work, too. Add to that the gym 4 times a week (my goal - which I am proud to say I usually achieve) and the occasional social obligation, and I think it's entirely possible that one day I will wake up with flames coming out my ears.

And now on top of that, I think I did something particularly dumb. I think I threw out my tiara by accident. I can't find it at my office, where I last had it because I had brought it veil shopping with me. It was wrapped in a plastic bag, and I think I may have tossed it last week. I'm not going to go completely nuts yet, but after I methodically tear apart my office today, I probably will be convinced that it's gone. I can't for the life of me remember bringing it home, though I have looked around here anyway. Oy. Everything was fine until last week - then I think my brain imploded.

Maybe it's because I realized there are 81 days left 'til W-Day. And there's a war on, which probably won't be over by then. That's comforting. I wonder if people won't want to fly? I hope that won't happen, but I did put information for traveling by Amtrak on the travel information sheet we're putting in the invitations.

I'm halfway through the armhole on the front of the second bridesmaid top. I may be able to finish it tonight, depending when I get out of work. I'm going to go to the gym, have a snack, and park myself on the sofa with the knitting and the kitties. But first, there's a whole work day to get through. Better go get dressed for it.

It's National Orange Day and I am actually wearing orange! I even brought an orange with my lunch, though that was purely coincidental.

I know I haven't posted in a week and a lot has happened. Is it possible that this war has actually rendered me speechless? Not quite. But I haven't quite known what to say, and have felt like anything I have to say has been said by so many people already. But I will do so now anyway.

I was not happy about the prospect of this war. I am no fan of George W. Bush, and I don't have the greatest confidence in his leadership. I do, however, believe that Saddam Hussein is violating the terms of the UN resolutions, and is a danger to at least the U.S. and his own people. But the thought of the U.S. going in there, bombing and killing without an overt provocation really made me stomach turn.

Of course, now we've done it, and there's not much choice. I still wish that diplomacy had worked. I still believe that with another president - one who was more interested in making progress than tough-talking sound bites - it could have worked. Unfortunately, that's not who is in power, so we are at war. And since we are at war, I have to support our troops 100% and hope that the incredible military machine we have built will prove successful. The shorter this war, the fewer lives will be lost, on both sides.

So that is where I stand - I will be tying yellow ribbons, even as I lament that we are at war at all.

Ah! This was the glorious Spring day everyone has been dreaming of for months. Yesterday wasn't so bad, either! It was an absolute joy to shed my winter coat and step outside without shivering. It didn't hurt that I started feeling better on Saturday afternoon, and by that night was well enough to go to dinner and a movie with our friends John and Amy.

I really liked the movie - Bend it Like Beckham. Very sweet and funny, and an entertaining look at the clash between cultures and generations. If you're looking for something slightly off the beaten path, but not so far off that it has subtitles, check it out.

On Sunday I expected Ryan to work, but he decided to blow of thesis for the day so we could do laundry and then enjoy the sunshine a bit. We ended up at the New York Aquarium in Coney Island. The place has improved a lot since the last time I was there, and we enjoyed it quite a bit.

I'm almost up to the armholes on the second half of the second bridesmaid top! I knitted for hours on Friday and then again last night. Now I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and believing I can actually finish this in a reasonable amount of time. So of course this morning, I got a monkey wrench thrown into my wedding plans. The rabbi I booked in September can no longer do our wedding - he has a family wedding that day that he was just informed of. Oy!

This news set off a cataclysm of thoughts - mostly me wondering whether we should actually have a Jewish ceremony. I'm more of a secular Jew, Ryan is totally non-religious, so what are we doing? Maybe we should have a non-denominational ceremony with a spiritual but not religious officiant, and incorporate some traditions, but not all the religious deity stuff. I contemplated that (and am still contemplating it), floated the trial balloon past my Mom to prepare her in case we do change plans, cried over the stress of it all, and went back to work.

Then the "backup rabbi" that the original rabbi had called ended up calling me. He seems nice. I am still undecided over the right thing to do, but we are going to meet with him to talk, probably this Thursday. He lives up in Scarsdale, so we actually have to drive up there after work. That's kind of a bummer, but at least for the wedding itself he could drive himself to Brooklyn. So, we'll meet, we'll talk, and we'll see what he has to say. One way or another, we will find someone to marry us in a ceremony that we can both live with.